Morning Wood: Alligator Eats Drunk Teens Arm

I highlight this story because, as a parent, you are always looking for new material to scare your kids out of doing stupid things. Most times I have to make this shit up. Other times, drunken teens write it for me.

Case in point. Kasey Edwards, 18, of Okeechobee, Fla., lost his left arm after grappling with the 11-foot long alligator.

"I felt something lock down and had the sensation of needle nose pliers, just a gigantic set of them, clamping down."

It could happen to anybody, right?

Well, it was 2 am, he was drunk and he was swimming in a drainage canal. Edwards admits he and his friends were drinking before he decided to jump in the 25-foot-deep canal in Nubbin Slough in Okeechobee County.When the alligator grabbed his arm, he remembered that gators spin their prey, so he told WFLX-TV that he grabbed a buoy line and didn't let go.

"I was just like holding on with everything I could for this gator was trying to pull me under," he told the station. "I'd surface, get a gasp of air and he'd just shake again and pull me under.

In my version of this story, this guy's name will be "Timmy" and his mom will cry all the time.